somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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