You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So. Much. Porn.
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