I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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