so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
