I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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