she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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