First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Why is your signature on my underwear?
cat food counts as protein by the way
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
