So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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