Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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