2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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