Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
