Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
