I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
