And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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