What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I faked an abortion last night.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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