and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Your topless pictures make me question reality
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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