cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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