Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
