Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
