I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
