I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
