no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
