i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
