Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
