Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I smell like Dick and happiness
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
