if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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