So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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