A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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