Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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