The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
