Christians are straight up FREAKS
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
