Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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