Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
