When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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