I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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