He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
