Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
