I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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