Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
