no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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