My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
