just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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