thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
