Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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