I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm at about main and main street
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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