you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
