do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just high enough for therapy.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
