just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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