I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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