I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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