there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
