I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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