I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
