i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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