I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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