After last night, I could never be a politician.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
