i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
