girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
