i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
