Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
